


Thoughts on the Fall

by SarahfromGermany



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Reichenbach Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-17
Updated: 2013-11-17
Packaged: 2018-01-01 21:11:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1048610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarahfromGermany/pseuds/SarahfromGermany
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I often think about one sentence from John in "The Scandal in Belgravia", where he says that he was a soldier and killed people. And - going from that sentence - I wonder what went through his head when he saw Sherlock standing on the roof and when he finally got to know what the fall was all about. Here is what I think it could have been - from after their reunion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thoughts on the Fall

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure at the moment if this should be a one-shot or if I'll add another chapter soon. I'll change this note when I make up my mind.
> 
> Here's the link to the pictures I posted with the fic on tumblr: http://theefandomcollective.tumblr.com/post/67273392801/even-after-sherlock-came-back-john-would-still

Even after Sherlock came back, John would still have this one terrible nightmare. The one where Sherlock fell. The one where John was the one to push. The one that became even scarier after Sherlock explained how he died because of John.

"I did it because of you!"

"-You... what?"

"I did it because of you. Because I had to keep you safe, because-" John didn't hear the rest of Sherlock's explanation over the blood rushing in his ears and the room suddenly became too small, too hot, too oppressive.

It was him. It had been him all along, just like he had feared for three years. Now the cruel suspicion haunting his thoughts day and night hat become a terrible truth, promising - guaranteeing - to haunt him for the rest of his life.

What had he done? He had been a doctor, trying to save people. Then he became a soldier, still trying to save them but more often than not failing to do so. There were even some days he did not dare to think about because on those dark, black and horrifying days he had broken his oath. He had been the one to take lives and when he should have saved them. And then he had been hit by a bullet and nearly bled to death in the desert - the rightul punishment for his deeds. He had gone back to just being a doctor, thought he could pay for his sins by keeping a low profile and helping those who needed him. But in the end, he hadn't been a doctor. He hadn't even been a friend. He had left his friend, never telling him how deeply he valued his friendship, even shouted abuse at him. He had been a cruel man. A cruel man and the reason for his best friend to throw his life away just because he existed! His mere existence was enough to kill a man! What had he become? What had he done?


End file.
